No matter what

     There will be those days you remember, those moments that were shared and that are now part of the past. Memories that were like grains of sand in a sand castle which took time to build and that in any moment a wave comes and their all gone but they remind on the beach. How could someone just throw away something so special they had with someone. To simply let go of the one person they cared so much for and had feelings for. They promised so many things and in the end those promises were empty promises. The way their eyes without words would express how happy they were to be with that special person, if only they would realize it.

     In relationships there has to be compromises. Two individuals willing to except  the other for who they are. Accepting the the person with their defects because no one is perfect. Willing to fight for them and stand by them no matter what. Being there and demonstrating what they mean in one's life. Making each other happy and not giving up when it seems like there's no way in continuing. 

     

     How can someone give up so easily, to let that person go that makes them into a better person. The one person they can be themselves with. The one that sees something in them that no one else does. Letting them go because little things can't be fixed or simply making it an excuse to hide the real reason. The fact that they now have someone they care and "love" for, that going any further is a fear and risk they are not willing to take. That they simply just end things. To not end up hurt and in reality just hurt the one person that accepts them for who they are and that loves them back but were too blinded to realize it. 

Seeing

     When you see that person again, that you had such stong feeling for. Those feelings that may still be in your heart, and when you first see them after days of not seeing them when you would see each other every other day seems to play out in slow motion. You don't know what your reaction will be or what theirs will be. You might hold back some tears and have to force a smile on your face. It's crazy how you feel so close to someone and then feel so distant. 

     All the momeries play out in your mind of all the good times you shared and how things could simply just end from one day to another in a blink of an eye. You find yourself wondering how and when things went wrong. When did it all stay going down hill, to come to this sudden stop, that ended in a broken heart, and that still skips a beat when that person is near.

     Did you do something wrong? What could it have been? It's even harded to figure out when your told your the best girlfriend they had or that you treated him so well that he didnt deserve it. With time they'll realize the mistake they made and by then it will be too late, because the person they let go will be with someone else or have moved on.

     I've accepted  it's all over and I alway say "Never Say Never"  But I would be scared if in the future he told me he wanted to try things again. He did tell me that maybe in the future we could get back together but there's no hoping or believing. I realized that  he's not ready or capable right now of loving me or maybe he does but doesn't realize it or he's scared to express his feeling because he's scared of getting hurt but in the end I was the one to end up hurt. 

Blah....

      Can't believe it's already June. Time just keeps passing, it has its ups and downs. Everyone has rough days and we just have to take one day at time, there is light a the end of the tunnel. So if your going through a rough time right now don't give up, the next day will be better and if not the next. Things can only get better.

     I believe things happen for a reason. Just the way a story unfolds as its being told. The other day, I hear in a movie. "Life is not a book, it could end any second" it's true but yet life is like a book there are chapters in our life and when we have rough  times in our life we have to close that chapter and move on to the next and not just give up and close the whole book. 

   I feel like I'm just rambling on now. I've been though rough moments and know that it's hard but I keep my head up and smile because there is no reason why I should let what I'm going though bring me down. Yes it hurts and it's hard to forget and even more when you wish everything could be okay but it's not, making it hurt even more. But I've accepted what happened and realized that I'll be okay with time and that I tried my best and if things didnt work out it wasn't my fault. I didn't give up. I tried to make it work and accepted him for him because that's what love is about. Accepting the person for who they are. Things ended for one reason or another and it might have been for a good reason.

     Things weren't meant to be or things weren't going to work out, or simply I wasn't suppose to be with that person for the rest of my life. I know they say ex's can't be friends. But I said I wanted to stay friends but now looking back at everything it hurts that he gave up and didnt think about working on things. So now, I don't know what I want anymore, one thing I am sure about is that we can't try again. Because I've gaven second chances before and that was a mistake that only left me hurting even more.

When I look at you

Yeah, when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I, I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I, I look at you

When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone.....

Poison & Wine

You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
You think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don't love you but I always will....

Mirrors

I don't want to lose you now
I'm looking at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold

Lyrics of the day

It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Song: Just Give Me A Reason
Singer: P!nk